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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Constant Craving

Tonight I was listening to k.d. lang's famous hit song "Constant Craving" and thinking about how all of us humans really are the same in some basic (natural) ways, such as wanting to be loved and cared for by another person. I really do believe that today's hookup culture, at its root, reflects a people looking for love. We've just gotten our wires crossed.

The happiest couples I know are those who experience sex as a total, ecstatic, mutual self-giving, with no reservations and exclusive for life. And that makes sense, doesn't it? After all, such couples bond more deeply to one another and renew their commitment to one another every time they have sex. They never have to worry about sexually-transmitted infections. They understand their fertility and how their bodies work. They've discerned together whether or not they are seeking a pregnancy and have accepted the awesome creative power that comes with their sexuality. With such a bond comes strong and healthy families, and in turn, a stronger and healthier society.

Yet, when I express to people the above view of sexuality, they're often quick to inform me that this is "only my view" and that I "can't expect others to follow it" or "shouldn't impose my beliefs on others." In fact, I read an article a couple of months ago which condemned abstinence education, admonishing the reader that "Human nature is difficult to overcome in the name of religious beliefs."

Wow. Well, actually, the view that sex should be reserved for someone whom you've promised to love for the rest of your life isn't necessarily based on religion. Many religions do teach that this is the right thing to do, but in reality this teaching is based on the natural law - those self-evident moral truths that are written into the world and into us. Contrary to the author's statement in the paragraph above, human nature is actually consistent with the view of sex that I have described. As noted, individuals and the society they live in function better and are happier when this model is followed - and everyone, in their heart of hearts, ultimately wants love, presumably the most fulfilling love there is.

As for the charge that I can't impose my beliefs on others, I must say that is a given. No beliefs, whether about this or something else, can be imposed - only PROposed. Everyone has a free will and they have the choice to accept ANY idea or not. As for the admonishment that I can't expect others to follow this belief - well, I don't know about that. I've been involved with several groups whose mission is to spread this beautiful message about experiencing sex meaningfully, and I must say that people's responses have moved me to tears. So many have been thrilled to hear the message (and in some cases upset that they never heard it before) and put it into practice in their own lives, with immediate and dramatic changes resulting.

The point is, this is all about happiness, not imposing restrictions on people. I've found that sex treated with the utmost care - and practiced the way it naturally makes sense to do so - is actually pretty freeing and empowering. So why wouldn't I want to share that with others? I hope that no one will object to hearing something that could make their life better, especially on the grounds that "it's just your view." Every idea out there is just someone's view, and at least some ideas are good - so why not just listen and give it a try? It could change your life.

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